Romance and dating through the lens of people with disability

On Valentine’s Day this year, I found myself filled with feelings of sadness as I was yet again alone, while many of my friends celebrated their love in the arms of their beloved.   

Social media was flooded with bouquets of red roses, stuffed plush toys and chocolates, romantic dinners for 2 and loved-up couples.  

Just like anyone else, people living with a disability have diverse feelings and experiences on Valentine's Day. Their emotions and perceptions can vary based on individual personalities, relationships, and personal circumstances. Having a physical or intellectual disability doesn’t change your need for a loving relationship with another person or your desire to express it.  

Over many years of being single and seeing most of my friends getting boyfriends and girlfriends, getting married, and seeing them so happy, I have always wanted to have a boyfriend and to get married.   

I have been looking everywhere to find him. However, I haven’t found him yet and Valentine’s Day reminded me that I'm single and feel very alone in this world. 

It took me many years to come to this realisation and that I have to love myself before I can love someone else. Some days are better than others. Some days I really hate my disability because I feel that nobody wants me.  Then again, I need to remind myself that having a disability does not stop me from living my life [as you can see from my blogs] and that I am very grateful for what I do have.  

These are all of my achievements and successes - having a beautiful family, dear friends, the love of my life - my dog Oliver - and many more.  Every day I have to remind myself to accept myself and my disability. For me, it is a continual journey to get to the point where I am in complete acceptance and truly love myself.  Relating to people with disabilities on Valentine's Day, or any day, involves the same fundamental principles as relating to anybody else: respect, empathy, and open communication. 

Recently I watched the TV program, Love on the Spectrum. The program gives viewers great insight into how groups of people with autism and intellectual disabilities fall in love.  

The people featured in this real-life drama are just being themselves and are not afraid to shed their inhibitions and have a good time. Love on the Spectrum highlights the important point that people living with a disability,  an intellectual disability and Autism can fall in love like everyone else.  

Everyone needs to watch this program to get into their mind that people living with any disability including an intellectual disability have the same right to get married as anyone else in society. Society needs to get this point. 

The creator of the series, Cian O'Clery, got the idea and inspiration for Love on the Spectrum from doing other shows about people with different abilities. After working on the Australian documentary series Employable Me, which shed light on how having a disability should not make someone unemployable, he came across an interesting and unexpected piece of information.  

People on the autism spectrum might have difficulty with social interactions but that doesn't mean they don't want them. O'Clery heard over and over again from those he worked with that they wanted to find love and thus, the idea for Love on the Spectrum was born. 

This reality show presents a true look at autistic people who are proud of who they are and embrace themselves and their true stories. They aren't characters in a show playing a role – they're real people. What they also educate viewers about is how wide the spectrum is - each person has a very different experience, personality, and traits. 

The series has been praised by many critics and viewers alike, for its honest depictions of those on the spectrum and showing the role of love in their lives.  

According to the dictionary, love is "an intense feeling of deep affection." In the end, most of us human beings crave authentic loving connections.  

Whether abled or disabled, if this is not met, Valentine’s Day can be sad and reflective. It's essential to recognise this and try to approach each individual with openness and empathy, considering their unique circumstances and perspectives.  

As Urban Dictionary defines, “Love is the act of caring and giving to someone else. Having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority in your life. To truly love is a very selfless act."  

Let's invite this kind of selfless love for one another.