On the other hand, daily interactions can also very quickly make people feel exasperated, I’m sure not only myself, but a lot of disabled people as well, showing that learning for some is still a work in progress in the community. Many disabled people still face assumptions or questions that are well-intentioned and can, when repeated, feel invasive or confining. Such moments are seldom unkind. More often than not, they are expressions of uncertainty, lack of awareness, or lack of understanding of disability in everyday life. The intention is important, but the impact is, too. The very same interactions repeatedly are shaping the way people living with a disability will experience public spaces, services, and relationships. Over the years, such beliefs can affect a person's sense of community, their ability to connect in a group, and to integrate into a community dynamic.
Personal questions are often raised early in a conversation, within minutes of meeting someone. Curiosity is natural, but respectful inclusion also entails boundaries. Sharing personal information is a choice and not a mandate. Inclusion should be a standard, not an exception, within many workplaces.
Sometimes people make comments, which unintentionally highlight their attitudes towards disability. Comments (meant to be inspiring) are a frequent example. Such remarks are often made kindly, but they can be indicative of lowered expectations. People with disabilities are often labelled as "inspiring" for engaging in the mundane activities of life, such as working, studying, socialising, traveling, and living independently. Framed this way, we find the focus on disability as something to be triumphed over, without much reflection about whether environments and systems are inclusive for all in their design from day one.
Although sometimes intended carefully, sympathy can be more about pity than about understanding. They propose that disability can be synonymous with the poor quality of life of a person who is disabled, rather than the complexity of diverse experiences represented by the disabled themselves. Disabled people feel joy, boredom, frustration, ambition, connection, and achievement, just like anyone else. Disability is only one aspect of our existence, not the totality.
If you read this, you are an ally and realise the most sympathetic answer is listening. Inclusion is informed by communication practices. Disabled people are sometimes talked to slowly, or for me, “loudly” when people notice I’m in a wheelchair.
Respectful communication means taking the time to speak directly to the person, asking before offering help, and understanding that different people have different communication preferences and needs. For those who may need adaptive technology to interact with a communication aid, I realise this sort of assumption can show up on a day-to-day basis. The device's voice carries an American accent, making it difficult for people not to assume I am from the United States. Once you have discussed that you are Australian and a minor, as this is, in and of itself, the repetition of this hinders full participation and confidence to participate in the community.
An amusing exchange last week illustrates some of the bizarre interactions people with disabilities can experience. I'm a social person, and I love hanging out with my local community and being in communities. A stranger asked my support worker whether I had an intellectual disability. When he was told that I do not, he recommended that I wear a T-shirt that could show this, which can help make communication easier for others. While the suggestion here may have been meant to be practical, much of it aligns with a broader view that disabled people should explain or label themselves to help ease others’ experience. I was perplexed at his answers but saved it in my bag of many bizarre exchanges.
A more positive view would acknowledge that communication is a mutual responsibility. Positive experiences show us how respectful inclusion looks in action. There was a café where the waitress spoke directly to me as the customer and simply waited patiently for me to put the next word and write my response down. No hurry or awkwardness, just to make sure I had time and respect. That mundane example encouraged my independence, dignity, and service.
Some people who use communication aids will need additional time. That time is not inconvenient. It is access. By contrast, many people with augmentative and alternative communication say they have been spoken to through support workers, rather than directly. At cafés and shops, staff address support workers by their name and not the person with a disability. This kind of thing usually reflects a lack of clarity about how to communicate. Always ask if you aren’t sure!
At Achieve Australia, inclusion is about listening to the lived experience, celebrating autonomy, and creating supports and services that enable people to participate. Progress occurs when access is built into systems from the outset, not just added on later. Disability is not a bug of humankind. It is part of it. Conveying it for all to gain understanding, the power of life can be found in common encounters.